Your Children Reap The Fears You Sow
We do not realize it, we may not even be aware of it. But the truth is that our children pick up on the fears that affect us ourselves.
Therefore, the relationship that parents maintain with their environment and with each other is fundamental. A model that will affect the future behaviors of the little ones.
If as a parent I am afraid of being alone and, therefore, suffer from a strong dependence on my partner, it is very likely that my children inherit this fear. This makes sense, since the first people children interact with are their parents.
Children pick up the fears that we instill in them
Sometimes, it is not only that children pick up on our own fears, but that they affect all those that we instill in them. Phrases such as “don’t get on there, you’re going to kill yourself”, “you just worry me”, “don’t you know what fear of heights is?” Can influence them in an important way.
Over time and years, these children may grow into fearful adults. Because of this, they can avoid putting themselves in danger or what they may consider dangerous. First, it may be not riding on a plane for fear of crashing, but it can be so strong that it makes it impossible for the now adult to leave the house in case something happens …
Children can grow up believing that the world is dangerous, that all men are equal, that love does not exist, that abuse is natural … There are many situations that children can reproduce in their adult lives and that will generate fear that he conceived in his earliest childhood.
The risk of overprotection
Along these lines, it is necessary to highlight overprotective parents. Parents who, in their attempt to protect their child, make him live in a bubble from which he will never want or know how to get out.
As he grows, insecurity will invade him if he does not have the support or presence of his parents even to go to the bank. It is an extreme example. But being overprotective makes one very scared.
The fears of the parents will be the fears of the children
What fears did your parents have? Have you noticed if you have reproduced them? Sometimes we are not aware of how many fears are passed from generation to generation, from parents to children.
Children pick up on the fears that their parents have shown them and that they themselves have not been able to solve. Fear of abandonment, fear of running out of money, of being left alone, of losing control …
All this will allow children to see a certain model of relationship that, without a doubt, will have an important impact on those that they establish in the future. Even if there is a fear of expressing emotions, of saying what we feel, it is very likely that children end up repressing their own emotions.
The big question is… Can we prevent children from ending up inheriting or adopting fears that are not theirs? This is our goal.
Your children collect the fears that you do not know how to manage
If your children pick up on the fears that you have or that you have instilled in them, the most important thing is to be aware of this fact. It is something difficult, but very necessary if we want to free them from a burden that does not belong to them.
Once aware of what is happening, we can put into practice some tips that will benefit us and, above all, our children:
- Reflect on the relationship model that we have and that our child perceives.
- Stop running away from your own fears and start facing them.
- Observe what fears we have inherited from our parents and that we unconsciously reproduce with our children.
- Avoid negative phrases, but over repressive, directed at children.
- Let’s respect what they feel and help them express their emotions.
Children are an excellent opportunity to learn many things about ourselves. For example, by helping our children to express their emotions, we will also be helping ourselves.
If the children pick up the fears that we sow, let us be aware of it and stop feeding those fears. These will only harm you.
