My Partner Doesn’t Help Me At Home

Lack of collaboration is a very common coexistence problem in couples. For this reason, the phrase “my partner does not help me at home” may not be strange to many. Tiredness and frustration are the main characteristics of this situation.

Previously, this was justified because the man was in charge of providing the income, while the woman remained at home. However, today most women have entered the labor market and no longer have to take care of the husband, children and the house on a compulsory basis.

Although there is much talk today about gender equality, the truth is that there are still suspension bridges to cross. And, unfortunately, there are still men who consider that they should not lift a finger when it comes to housework (for example) and that it is she, her partner, who should take charge.

Why is my partner not helping me?

Our difference of perception about responsibilities is distorted by our personal history, the inequality between men and women and the expectations with which we arrive at marriage. There are many reasons why you can ensure that “my partner does not help me at home”:

• Dependency parenting:  a man whose mother took care of absolutely all the household chores does not assimilate that he should collaborate in anything. He does not understand it because his views on marriage were that his wife would do the same as her mother.
• “Superwife”: sometimes, the man does not take part in the housework because of the same woman, who refuses to receive help from her partner. This may also be due to the previous cause, but in reverse, since it is she who reproduces the servile and dependent behavior that she saw in her own mother.
• You do not know how to do it:  this may sound like an excuse and perhaps most of the time it is. However, in many cases, the man does not help because he does not know how to do it. When he wants to do his part, he ends up causing a mess worse than the one he wanted to fix.

• Machismo:  although society has advanced in terms of gender roles, it has not done so at the same speed in the minds of some men. There are those who still cling to the idea that washing a dish takes away their masculinity. Others believe a kind of “kings” who only have to come home to be cared for.

To do?

If you’re mentally and physically tired from your partner’s lack of cooperation, it’s time you took action. Here are some tips:

• Face it: ask your partner what is holding her back and why she is not trying to move forward with her family in an area as important as maintaining order at home.
• Look for the strong: each person is a world and each one is good at something different. For example, some women are not very good at cooking and some men are not good enough to run a washing machine. You have to find who is the best in each task.

• To do list: making a list of tasks at home divided by days could be perfect for the most forgetful to remember their responsibilities.

Train him to help you

As we explained, the cause cannot always be the lack of interest on the part of your partner: his parenting method  and your own dependent attitude may be the reasons why he has no idea how to do anything at all. Therefore, it is time to train him.

Give her basic tasks like sweeping, washing dishes, removing cobwebs from the highest parts of the house, or taking out the trash every day. It is important that you do not criticize it. Don’t look at him all the time to see what he’s doing wrong and scold him. Instead, teach him to perfect the things he can’t do well.

If you want a change, you will have to take the first step. If his attitude still doesn’t change, give him an ultimatum: you are neither his maid nor his slave. Don’t let him treat you like one or let him trample on your dignity and self-esteem.